Summer of '16

Summer in KY has become somewhat of a slow time for us. However, we were able to bookend our summer with a trip to NC and a day out that offered a little change from our normal day to day.  In the meantime, we have been watching our little boy grow and loving every minute of it. Casey and I both have been thinking a lot during this summer about where God is leading our family and what to do in the waiting.

I often tend to focus on the things I cannot do or have right now in the waiting instead of the abundance of things and opportunities that my good, good Father has given me:

I cannot travel or live overseas right now: I can pray for and encourage my friends currently serving overseas.  I can encourage my husband as he learns and trains for us to hopefully go one day.
I cannot visit my family as often as I would like: I can FaceTime or Skype with them.

I get to love and live life with my sweet husband. I get to be a mom to my little boy.  I have a new life growing inside of me.  And those are just the earthly things I've been given! When I change my perspective and focus on His goodness, that changes everything. Casey and I have both been trying to focus more on reading His Word and trusting His plans for us.

This slow, summer season has mostly been filled with loving and caring for our little boy.  At times I hesitate to blog about him because everything doesn't revolve around him (or us for that matter), but as summer comes to a close, I am thankful for this season of our family of three.  I was so nervous about the two of us becoming three and it has been so wonderful. We both love this boy so much and are amazed that we get to watch him learn and grow.
This summer has also been a time of thinking about transitioning to a family of four. I will admit the idea scared me at first as I looked at my little baby in the crib and realized he wasn't the littlest baby anymore. But, we are thrilled Atticus will have a sibling close to him to grow up with.

Atticus at 8 months announcing he's going to be a big brother!

Me on 9/15/16 at 15 weeks with Baby Croy #2!

In May we were finally able to take Atticus to North Carolina for the first time.  He did so well with the trip and we had a great time seeing family.  My little boy got to meet my grandma for the first time--something I had been waiting for for a long time, even before we knew about him.  I just wish Jerry had been there, too.

Just last week we had our first day off as a family and we went to a place called Bernheim Forest about 30 minutes south of where we live.  We loved hiking the trails and Atticus was a trooper riding on Casey's back!  It was a great day to get out and enjoy nature.

Also, for the first time since we've been in KY, Casey stopped having to work on the weekends recently.  What a blessing for our family!  As we turn the corner to fall, we are looking forward to more family time together and more time enjoying God's creation.

Memories Measured in Time

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven..."  Ecclesiastes 3:1

I've been reflecting a lot this month (and really for a while now) about memories, seasons of life, and how everything seems to be measured in time.  March is always one of my favorite times of the year. It's also one of my favorite times of reflecting back on favorite memories and looking forward in hope to new things.  Seven years ago, Casey and I started dating in March.  I absolutely love thinking back to that spring when everything was new, fun, butterflies in the stomach kind of love. A year later, six years ago, we were married on the first day of spring, such an exciting time of new beginnings.

Our first picture together 3-29-09 (we were watching UNC!)

3-20-2010

One of our special spots in the library at Southeastern

 It is such a joy to me to think back to these times, but then to also know and see that our love has grown deeper, even in the mundane, everyday things now.  For our first three anniversaries, we traveled.  I had initially hoped that would become a tradition for us each year, but when we moved to Louisville, a few things, namely school and work schedules, have kept us from going on anniversary trips.  This year Casey had to work all weekend in the evenings, but he still went out of his way to make me feel special.  I appreciate him so much and I don't deserve how loving and patient he is with me. Now that we have our son, it is even more special to look back and see how far we've come. Our family has grown and we've been entrusted with new life and new beginnings all over again.

3-20-2016 Our first anniversary with Atticus!

3 months old!

Our sweet son was three months old on Wednesday.  I can hardly believe it.  He is growing so fast.  I know I say that with every post, but seriously, he grows overnight.  Part of me likes to say that I wish he would stay little forever while another part of me is excited at the prospect of seeing him grow and change and hopefully become a man that loves Jesus.  The major things we've noticed about him recently are that he loves his changing table. He makes his best faces there--smiling, pouting, wide eyes. This boy has a major pouty lip.  He makes it all.the.time.  It's hilarious. He does it more than smiling right now. He also lays in his crib awake for a long time in the mornings before we get him up--just looking around and sometimes wiggling if he managed to Houdini his way out of his swaddle. He has also discovered his hands and tries to stick his whole hand in his mouth while simultaneously being annoyed that he can't manage to do it.

The pouty lip (My friend took this photo while she babysat)

Atticus also loves to watch March Madness with mommy.  He's going to be a Tarheel fan, I just know it.

Yesterday was Easter Sunday and I have to admit, I struggled all week and weekend with Easter "slipping up on me" this year.  I just didn't feel like I prepared my heart enough and felt guilty every time I forgot that there was reason to celebrate and rejoice.  I know in my head that we celebrate the crucifixion and resurrection every day as we remember the Gospel and apply it to our lives, but to me there is something special about setting aside a day and time where everyone focuses their minds and hearts on celebrating that Jesus is alive and that he saved us from our sins.  I think I also feel like time has just been passing me by, having not celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other important days like I would have wanted to, but I also am reminded once again that this is a new season where things sometimes feel chaotic and like I can't keep up,  and other times I just get to sit and snuggle my son and all is right with the world. I am thankful for a Savior who took all my sinful, selfish ways upon Himself with the shedding of his blood and who gives me the promise of eternal life each new day because of His resurrection.

"Man of Sorrows, what a name 

for the Son of God who came

Ruined sinners to reclaim

Hallelujah! What a Savior!"

Back to Work, Birthdays, and Baby Milestones...

I went back to work on February 3rd and it has been a really good transition for us.  I'm so thankful!  It was hard to leave my two boys at home (Casey keeps the baby during the day), but knowing the two of them are together, and only being a mile away myself, has really made it easy.

Casey's birthday was February 5th so I kept with tradition and made him a carrot cake and we went out to eat the day before. Atticus did really well and slept the entire time at the restaurant!  Casey and I only actually saw each other a few minutes on Casey's birthday, but we made the most of the week and the time we had to celebrate.

On February 23 Atticus was 2 months old!  We can hardly believe how much this boy is growing and changing.  He is developing such a sweet little personality.  He loves to snuggle close to us and wiggle on his blanket. He has started to coo and smack his tongue against his gums. He follows us around with his eyes, and just in the last month he has begun to really smile!  His smiles make me melt.  Seriously. He also has started loving his mobile.  He enjoys watching the little animals go round and round. :) He weighed 10lbs 2oz at his checkup. He's making it through the night without eating, but still gets a little restless and wakes up mommy! He used to not like diaper changes or baths, but he's started taking a liking to those as well.  He's a pretty easygoing baby and we love him so much! 

My mom captured this smile (not the first one, but the first we have on camera!)

I also finally got a birth announcement printed with pictures my friend Andrea took (check her out at www.andrearaethomasphotography.com).  Seriously, we love these photos that were taken when Atticus was two weeks old, but we can hardly remember him being that small!

Atticus also loved having his Gram, his Gigi, and his Pop Pop visit recently.  We look forward to them spending more time with their grandson in the future.

It is hard to believe that it is already mid March.  Looking forward to Spring, our wedding anniversary, March Madness, and Easter all in the next couple of weeks. And, of course, this boy will be three months old next week!  The time is flying faster than it ever has before....

The latest of our little man.

Best Laid Plans: One Month with Atticus

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." ~Proverbs 16:9

I had every intention of taking cute little weekly photos of our new little man, but at one week we were in the NICU (and coming home from the NICU that day) and at two weeks I was, quite honestly, overwhelmed with life. I did manage to snag pictures on those actual days (without cute said signs) and by three weeks (and his due date) had my bearings to make good on my original endeavor. At four weeks I forgot the sign again...

For the monthly cute baby pictures my plan all along has been to do what my dad did when I was a baby.  He put playing cards beside me for how many days old I was.  Pretty clever.

Me at 7 days old (Atticus bears a little resemblance)

Of course there is no "1" in a deck of cards, but the Ace does represent "1" and "A" is for Atticus. Then I also have my favorite Snoopy playing cards and well, I have a love, maybe obsession, with all things Peanuts.  Perhaps I have put too much thought into this...

Atticus Joyner Croy
(We will find out how much he's grown on Monday!)

It's hard to believe it's already been a month since our son was born and then again it seems like we've had him in our lives much longer. Time has a way of doing that.

I figured now would be as good a time as any to share the story of Atticus' actual birth. His birth was actually the easiest part of everything that has happened over the last two months.  My doctor said it would be and she was right.

So, December 23 was mostly a calm day of waiting. I had been in the hospital in the antepartum area since November 22. We were told I would be taken over to labor and delivery early in the morning around 5 a.m. of Dec 23 to be induced at 37 weeks. We had everything packed up, ready and waiting. After all, we had been there a month and we were ready to get this show on the road! I think it was around 6 or 6:30 before we made our way over to L&D. Then around 7 or 7:30 they started pitocin to get labor going. I had been checked the day before and was almost at 2 cm. I had been having contractions since Nov 21, sometimes rather intense, so the initial stages of pitocin weren't much different. I would ask my mom and Casey when I had pain how big the contraction was on the monitor while we "hung out" and listened to Christmas music. At 11:15 a.m. I felt a pop and realized my water had broken. Weirdest feeling ever, by the way.  My contractions became more intense, not sharply painful, but they made my whole body tremble. I asked for the epidural (which I was terrified of) and got it around 2:30 p.m. The anesthesiologist was hilarious (which I did not expect) and my nurse was a brash lady in her 50's named Terry who talked of retiring to Colorado (After being in the hospital a month, I had met a lot of nurses and learned a lot about them. I also initially was nervous that nurse Terry was much different than the other nurses I had encountered--like I said, a bit brash and brutally honest and to the point. She ended up being one of my favorites.) During the time from 2:30 to 5:00 things were pretty boring, hanging out and waiting for things to happen. I was getting dilated more but didn't feel the contractions really, so I just talked to my mom and Casey. Just before 5:30 p.m. I felt a little different for some reason and nurse Terry checked and said I was at 10 cm. She called my doctor who rushed in from home. When my doctor got there, she got me set up and said it was time to push. It was really different than I expected but wonderful--just my doctor, nurse Terry, my mom, and Casey. I remember my doctor had to turn Atticus the right way first. Nurse Terry alternated between helping Casey and my mom holding my legs (which were completely dead to me) while I pushed when the nurse and doctor told me to--three big pushes, rest, three big pushes again. It was hard pushing but not painful thanks to the epidural. I pushed for a little more than half an hour. All four who were with me were so encouraging.  I remember Casey breathing with me and me telling him I loved him after each round of pushing, and then suddenly Atticus was here and placed on my chest. I cried and held him, relieved he was finally here, and in disbelief that I birthed a baby. He was perfect and we were so excited! Embarrassingly enough, then I felt sick and threw up. But, that quickly passed. Then I just watched him being cleaned up and talked to Casey. His birth was such a special and surreal experience.  I'm not really sure what I expected. I think I had this idea there would be a lot of random people in the room, a lot of commotion, and a lot of staring and loudly talking/screaming to the pregnant lady trying to give birth, and that I wouldn't remember a lot about it because it was chaotic and stressful.  At any rate, it was much calmer, encouraging, and more memorable than I expected.  It was also easier than I anticipated.  I was terrified of giving birth, of not being able to or something, that it would be harder than I could physically handle and they'd have to do a C-section after I was completely spent.  Luckily, none of that happened at all. I'm grateful.

Family photo on New Year's Day

I had no idea how the effects of being in the hospital a month, not getting to do things as I planned, and other life events that happened would take their toll on me after Atticus' birth.  It took me a few weeks to adjust (and I am still adjusting).  When I came home (to my new apartment for the first time) I just wanted to catch up on everything that happened while I was in the hospital. Then I also had some expectations with the baby and feeding that didn't go as I planned, along with his whole visit to the NICU.  Luckily, the Father has been teaching me a lot about relinquishing control, not being selfish (I like my sleep), and focusing on taking care of this sweet, precious gift of a boy we've been given.  It's not always easy going, but I'm thankful to be a mom to Atticus.

I just pray I can point him to Jesus well.  At the end of the day, that's more important than cute photos.  But this one though....

Be. Still. My. Heart.

This New Season of Life

"All of my life, in every season, You are still God. I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship!" 

~ Desert Song

  

On December 23, 2015 at 6:29pm I experienced the greatest joy I have ever known. Finally the month of waiting in the hospital was over and our son, Atticus Joyner Croy, was born. We were so relieved and overjoyed for his new life. He was perfect-all 6lbs and 3oz of him and we couldn't believe he was ours. I cried tears of joy upon seeing him and thought things would be getting back to normal for us come Christmas Day when we would take him home. We did go home on Christmas and started to try to figure out this life as parents at our new apartment. Casey's family came to visit the next day and it seemed we were on our way to a new normal despite my lack of sleep and exhaustion. 

On Monday December 28, at a routine pediatric appointment, Atticus was lethargic and showing a low body temperature that kept dipping lower. Despite our best efforts to keep Atticus out of the NICU for the month I spent in antepartum, he decided he wanted to pay them a visit anyway.  The pediatrician prepared for us to be sent over immediately but as we waited in the room for the doctor to call the hospital, Casey and I were terrified as Atticus laid in my arms under several blankets and yet was still cold and limp. I think that December 28 may qualify as scariest day of my life now. This little boy has already given us a few scares in his young little life as he tried to spend his third consecutive holiday in the hospital, but we know that God is good and faithful and watching over our sweet little Atticus. We are thankful to God that his temperature was able to regulate really soon after arriving at the NICU and that he was able to be discharged tonight (December 30). Again, the nurses and doctors were awesome in taking care of our precious boy and getting him on a schedule. Praise the Lord!!!!!

In the midst of all the joy in Atticus' birth, my parents received a call that my dad's brother Jerry was sick in the hospital. He had cancer and was doing well with treatments but suddenly developed pneumonia. My parents drove the 10 hours back to NC the night Atticus was born but my Uncle Jerry passed away before they made it. On December 24, Christmas Eve, my uncle passed from life into death and I sobbed uncontrollably on my hospital bed with my new little life by my side trying to make sense of it all. Never have I felt such deep joy and sorrow at the same time. Jerry lived with my grandma (who as you know is one of my favorite people). Never having married, he stayed home with my grandparents and took care of my grandma ever since my granddaddy passed away when I was a kid. Jerry was a quiet, humble man, with a sense of humor-always putting others before himself--hence living with my grandma and keeping her company all these years. I remember going to stay with my grandparents and him every summer and the memories we have together. He was one of my favorites as well.  I spoke with my uncle on the phone when we couldn't go for thanksgiving or Christmas and I just had this feeling that either I wouldn't see him or my grandma again and he told me not to worry that we would all be together again soon. For years I wondered if Jerry had committed his life to Jesus Christ and struggled with how to talk to him about this. From conversations with him and others recently who talked with him, I know that Jerry was right--we will all be together again soon in eternity with our Savior. It just hurts not to have him here now. And it was so hard not being with my family to grieve and go to his funeral.

A lady from my church gave us this outfit the Sunday before Jerry died. Unbeknownst to her or us at the time was how special this outfit would be. My uncle was a volunteer fireman. He served his community faithfully in this way his whole adult life. Amazing how little things like this mean so much and show that God is in the small things. All of our family kept saying that Atticus was the bright spot in the day on the day of Jerry's passing. I'm so thankful for both of their lives.

Please continue to pray for us. I have been having a hard time processing and dealing with all that has happened over the last month or so, but again, God is so faithful and will see me through this strange and beautiful season for His good.

Thank you all for your love, prayers, and support during this time. We apologize for not letting anyone know what was going on but we have been overwhelmed. Things are looking better now and we are grateful :)

I painted this while in the hospital for Atticus' room.

Finally, to my son, Atticus:

Before you were born you were called many things--Wolfgang (daddy said you had to be called this til you came out), little disaster (also by daddy), baby boy Croy, little buddy, little pumpkin, little turkey, little stinker, baby bear, and probably others, but now you will always be:

Atticus Joyner Croy ( A.J. )

May you have the courage and integrity of Atticus Finch in To Kill A Mockingbird.

May you have the servant-heartedness, humility, and selflessness of your great grandma Leona Joyner, Pop Pop Willard Joyner (my daddy), and your great uncle Jerry Joyner.

May you have the toughness and bravery of a Croy and grow to be like your quiet, funny, level-headed, humble daddy, Casey Croy.

Most of all, may you love and serve Jesus (with whom you now share a birthday season) with your whole heart and life.

Love,
Mommy

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow...Blessings all mine with ten thousand beside. Great is Thy Faithfulness...

Today is the day!!

It's hard to believe the day we've been waiting for is finally here! Our baby boy will be born today.

In some ways it seems like just yesterday we were finding out our little boy was on his way, but after being in the hospital for a month, it seems like this day would never come!

I've had time to reflect over these last few weeks on a few things...

I have to admit that it's a little bittersweet that it won't just be me and Casey anymore (though I know it hasn't truly been for several months now :)). I know we will still be us and it will be great. It will just be different but good different.

With coming to the hospital we didn't really get to celebrate the end of Casey's semester or do normal everyday things the last month, but we are still glad we have been well taken care of here and are looking forward to figuring out what our new normal is with a little guy.

It's also bittersweet I won't feel my baby boy moving inside me anymore...

But, oh the excitement and anticipation we have for him to get here and be with us!

Christmas takes on a whole new special meaning for me with the birth of my baby boy and the gift that he is already. I still can't even imagine what Mary must have felt carrying our Savior, but I can relate a little more now than before and better understand the anticipation of Christ's first and second coming.


So please pray for us today (I'm nervous!) as we end one part of the journey and start another...

We made it!

Fake scream :)

Merry Christmas from the Croys!!

P.S.--Our official ultrasound photo count was 61! Insane! Looking forward to sharing a photo of him on the outside :)!

35

35...weeks today that Baby Boy Croy has been in my belly.

35...ultrasound photos we have so far (before coming to the hospital we had two). This one taken on Thanksgiving makes me feel like I can touch his cute little face!

Me pumping iron....or rather iron being pumped into me!

35...the number of days I will most likely spend in the hospital before we have and take our sweet boy home.

It's been two and a half weeks since I was admitted to the hospital. Since Thanksgiving I have not had any further problems and have settled into a pretty normal routine. We are praising the Lord for that! (I even find I'm more productive here than I am at home.)

The nurses and doctors, even the food, still continue to be wonderful. I have had a lot of nice chats with the nurses and am so thankful for the care they give. I am also thankful for the doctors monitoring me to ensure my health and that baby can stay in me until 37 weeks (full term).

Since being here we have:

Celebrated Thanksgiving

Casey finished two papers!! (You cannot begin to understand the relief!)

We moved apartments...yes, you read that correctly. And by we, I mean I laid in the bed and organized picture diagrams for where I wanted everything placed--Lord bless my parents and Casey!

Have had numerous visits from friends and family for which we are so thankful!!

It looks like right now that the chaos is calming down for Casey and my parents.  While we don't know all the details yet, it looks like we will be having a baby on December 23 if he doesn't come sooner. A Christmas baby!

We are looking forward to seeing our sweet little one.  Until then, we wait....

Sunrise from my room yesterday

"Great is Thy faithfulness.  Great is Thy faithfulness. Morning by morning new mercies I see.  All I have needed Thy hand hath provided.  Great is Thy faithfulness Lord unto me."