This New Season of Life

"All of my life, in every season, You are still God. I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship!" 

~ Desert Song

  

On December 23, 2015 at 6:29pm I experienced the greatest joy I have ever known. Finally the month of waiting in the hospital was over and our son, Atticus Joyner Croy, was born. We were so relieved and overjoyed for his new life. He was perfect-all 6lbs and 3oz of him and we couldn't believe he was ours. I cried tears of joy upon seeing him and thought things would be getting back to normal for us come Christmas Day when we would take him home. We did go home on Christmas and started to try to figure out this life as parents at our new apartment. Casey's family came to visit the next day and it seemed we were on our way to a new normal despite my lack of sleep and exhaustion. 

On Monday December 28, at a routine pediatric appointment, Atticus was lethargic and showing a low body temperature that kept dipping lower. Despite our best efforts to keep Atticus out of the NICU for the month I spent in antepartum, he decided he wanted to pay them a visit anyway.  The pediatrician prepared for us to be sent over immediately but as we waited in the room for the doctor to call the hospital, Casey and I were terrified as Atticus laid in my arms under several blankets and yet was still cold and limp. I think that December 28 may qualify as scariest day of my life now. This little boy has already given us a few scares in his young little life as he tried to spend his third consecutive holiday in the hospital, but we know that God is good and faithful and watching over our sweet little Atticus. We are thankful to God that his temperature was able to regulate really soon after arriving at the NICU and that he was able to be discharged tonight (December 30). Again, the nurses and doctors were awesome in taking care of our precious boy and getting him on a schedule. Praise the Lord!!!!!

In the midst of all the joy in Atticus' birth, my parents received a call that my dad's brother Jerry was sick in the hospital. He had cancer and was doing well with treatments but suddenly developed pneumonia. My parents drove the 10 hours back to NC the night Atticus was born but my Uncle Jerry passed away before they made it. On December 24, Christmas Eve, my uncle passed from life into death and I sobbed uncontrollably on my hospital bed with my new little life by my side trying to make sense of it all. Never have I felt such deep joy and sorrow at the same time. Jerry lived with my grandma (who as you know is one of my favorite people). Never having married, he stayed home with my grandparents and took care of my grandma ever since my granddaddy passed away when I was a kid. Jerry was a quiet, humble man, with a sense of humor-always putting others before himself--hence living with my grandma and keeping her company all these years. I remember going to stay with my grandparents and him every summer and the memories we have together. He was one of my favorites as well.  I spoke with my uncle on the phone when we couldn't go for thanksgiving or Christmas and I just had this feeling that either I wouldn't see him or my grandma again and he told me not to worry that we would all be together again soon. For years I wondered if Jerry had committed his life to Jesus Christ and struggled with how to talk to him about this. From conversations with him and others recently who talked with him, I know that Jerry was right--we will all be together again soon in eternity with our Savior. It just hurts not to have him here now. And it was so hard not being with my family to grieve and go to his funeral.

A lady from my church gave us this outfit the Sunday before Jerry died. Unbeknownst to her or us at the time was how special this outfit would be. My uncle was a volunteer fireman. He served his community faithfully in this way his whole adult life. Amazing how little things like this mean so much and show that God is in the small things. All of our family kept saying that Atticus was the bright spot in the day on the day of Jerry's passing. I'm so thankful for both of their lives.

Please continue to pray for us. I have been having a hard time processing and dealing with all that has happened over the last month or so, but again, God is so faithful and will see me through this strange and beautiful season for His good.

Thank you all for your love, prayers, and support during this time. We apologize for not letting anyone know what was going on but we have been overwhelmed. Things are looking better now and we are grateful :)

I painted this while in the hospital for Atticus' room.

Finally, to my son, Atticus:

Before you were born you were called many things--Wolfgang (daddy said you had to be called this til you came out), little disaster (also by daddy), baby boy Croy, little buddy, little pumpkin, little turkey, little stinker, baby bear, and probably others, but now you will always be:

Atticus Joyner Croy ( A.J. )

May you have the courage and integrity of Atticus Finch in To Kill A Mockingbird.

May you have the servant-heartedness, humility, and selflessness of your great grandma Leona Joyner, Pop Pop Willard Joyner (my daddy), and your great uncle Jerry Joyner.

May you have the toughness and bravery of a Croy and grow to be like your quiet, funny, level-headed, humble daddy, Casey Croy.

Most of all, may you love and serve Jesus (with whom you now share a birthday season) with your whole heart and life.

Love,
Mommy

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow...Blessings all mine with ten thousand beside. Great is Thy Faithfulness...