As Thanksgiving is this week, I keep thinking about how this is the first year without her.
I have missed Thanksgiving at grandma's only a handful of times in my life, twice when I lived in Peru, once when we spent the holiday with Casey's family, once while living in Northern Ireland, and finally two years ago when I was in the hospital waiting to have my son. But, all of those times I knew she was at home, with Jerry helping her, making turkey, dressing, and a table full of food for family to enjoy. I cried the first time I missed being there when I was in Peru. When I was Northern Ireland I called her to tell her I made my own turkey. In fact, I called every time I wasn't there. That's the last time I talked to Jerry.
I remember each time because I wasn't there. I hope those times I missed have helped in some small way to prepare me for the fact that no one will gather at the little farmhouse in Rocky Mount, NC this year and no one will cram around that table to eat the best dressing on earth--all because she won't be there.
My grandma passed away on Mother's Day, two weeks shy of her 98th birthday. As I wrote back in March, I will always carry treasured memories of her and my times visiting her home while growing up.
I'm not sad about Thanksgiving because she isn't here. In fact, I'm excited to still spend the day with family and start new traditions. It will just be different. I'm thankful for the memories.
I will miss her a little more this week though I think.
