On February 24, 2017 at 2:38pm, I experienced another of my greatest joys I have ever known with the birth of our daughter, Elise Leona Croy. There was no month in the hospital beforehand, no planned day for her to come, but the anticipation and excitement were the same. 14 months and a day after her brother, she arrived, all 7 lbs 4.6 oz of her, and she was beautiful.
It was so sweet to see how big brother (once he noticed her) clapped his hands every time he saw his little sister. It was like he knew she was coming and had been waiting for her all along. We are so thankful that Atticus seems to be adjusting well to his sister and is curious about her and concerned for her when she cries.
A few weeks before Elise was born, my grandma, for whom my baby girl gets her middle name, got sick and had to be hospitalized. My spunky, tough, sharp witted, humble grandma. Have I mentioned before that she's my favorite? After what happened with my uncle, I was concerned the same was happening with my grandma. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago, it looked like my grandma wouldn't make it, but she is such a strong lady and defied what the doctors thought for her. While I am overly thankful that she is still with us, a piece of what I've known of her is gone. She has been in the hospital and a rehab center over the last month. With her not being able to return home, she doesn't get to feed her chickens, cook meals, or see her daffodils bloom, and for that I am sad for her.
This week we decided that I needed to go see my grandma and for her to meet Elise. Though it was a short trip (and challenging with the two littles), I'm so glad we went. Though it was so hard to see her not at her best and in a place other than her home, I had a chance to show her my kids and talk to her. As I was saying goodbye, she said, "Remember all the good times that we had."
It's been impossible for me to understand (nor should I try) that with the birth of both of my children such hard times have come in other ways. It seems like while I'm starting new chapters with my new little family, another chapter of why I am who I am has been closing. A lot of what I learned growing up came from time spent at grandma's. It's been one of my constants and comforts to visit there through the years and know it would always be the way I left it when I came back again even if everything else in life was changing--grandma and Jerry would always be there. As I stopped by grandma's house this week and walked around the yard, it was sad for me to think that all I once knew there is changed too, but I will still always have the memories and stories to tell my little ones.
I'll remember the good times, grandma. Always.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
9
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
~Isaiah 55:8-9
I am reminded of these verses and through all of this that this world is not my home. While things change here on earth, it was never meant to be my final resting place. I am reminded that the Lord holds all things in His hands, He knows my struggles, and He knows what I need right now in this moment. In teaching my children the memories and stories of life, I hope to also point them to the One who never changes and who has an eternal purpose for them.
Finally, to my daughter, Elise Leona Croy:
May you have the humbleness, strength, and lovable character of your "lioness" of a great grandma, Leona. I hope you learn to love gardening and cooking as much as her, too.
May you know that you are a Croy and you are loved so much by your daddy, mommy, and big brother.
Though we didn't really have a specific reason for naming you Elise, your name means "pledged to God." Most of all, may you grow to follow Jesus with your whole heart and give your life to serving Him. He has big plans for you, little girl!
Love,
Mommy
