Grandma

As Thanksgiving is this week, I keep thinking about how this is the first year without her.

I have missed Thanksgiving at grandma's only a handful of times in my life, twice when I lived in Peru, once when we spent the holiday with Casey's family, once while living in Northern Ireland,  and finally two years ago when I was in the hospital waiting to have my son. But, all of those times I knew she was at home, with Jerry helping her, making turkey, dressing, and a table full of food for family to enjoy.  I cried the first time I missed being there when I was in Peru. When I was Northern Ireland I called her to tell her I made my own turkey. In fact, I called every time I wasn't there. That's the last time I talked to Jerry.

I remember each time because I wasn't there.  I hope those times I missed have helped in some small way to prepare me for the fact that no one will gather at the little farmhouse in Rocky Mount, NC this year and no one will cram around that table to eat the best dressing on earth--all because she won't be there.

My grandma passed away on Mother's Day, two weeks shy of her 98th birthday. As I wrote back in March, I will always carry treasured memories of her and my times visiting her home while growing up.

I'm not sad about Thanksgiving because she isn't here.  In fact, I'm excited to still spend the day with family and start new traditions.  It will just be different. I'm thankful for the memories.

I will miss her a little more this week though I think.

Another New Season of Life

On February 24, 2017 at 2:38pm, I experienced another of my greatest joys I have ever known with the birth of our daughter, Elise Leona Croy. There was no month in the hospital beforehand, no planned day for her to come, but the anticipation and excitement were the same. 14 months and a day after her brother, she arrived, all 7 lbs 4.6 oz of her, and she was beautiful.

It was so sweet to see how big brother (once he noticed her) clapped his hands every time he saw his little sister.  It was like he knew she was coming and had been waiting for her all along.  We are so thankful that Atticus seems to be adjusting well to his sister and is curious about her and concerned for her when she cries.

Elise will be a month old tomorrow and I have been trying to write this blog post about her since we brought her home. Another unexpected thing happened over the last month that I've been trying to process...

A few weeks before Elise was born, my grandma, for whom my baby girl gets her middle name, got sick and had to be hospitalized.  My spunky, tough, sharp witted, humble grandma. Have I mentioned before that she's my favorite? After what happened with my uncle, I was concerned the same was happening with my grandma. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago, it looked like my grandma wouldn't make it, but she is such a strong lady and defied what the doctors thought for her. While I am overly thankful that she is still with us, a piece of what I've known of her is gone. She has been in the hospital and a rehab center over the last month.  With her not being able to return home, she doesn't get to feed her chickens, cook meals, or see her daffodils bloom, and for that I am sad for her.

This week we decided that I needed to go see my grandma and for her to meet Elise. Though it was a short trip (and challenging with the two littles), I'm so glad we went. Though it was so hard to see her not at her best and in a place other than her home, I had a chance to show her my kids and talk to her.  As I was saying goodbye, she said, "Remember all the good times that we had."

It's been impossible for me to understand (nor should I try) that with the birth of both of my children such hard times have come in other ways.  It seems like while I'm starting new chapters with my new little family, another chapter of why I am who I am has been closing. A lot of what I learned growing up came from time spent at grandma's.  It's been one of my constants and comforts to visit there through the years and know it would always be the way I left it when I came back again even if everything else in life was changing--grandma and Jerry would always be there.  As I stopped by grandma's house this week and walked around the yard, it was sad for me to think that all I once knew there is changed too, but I will still always have the memories and stories to tell my little ones.

I'll remember the good times, grandma.  Always.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

9 

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

    so are my ways higher than your ways

    and my thoughts than your thoughts. 

 ~Isaiah 55:8-9

I am reminded of these verses and through all of this that this world is not my home. While things change here on earth, it was never meant to be my final resting place. I am reminded that the Lord holds all things in His hands, He knows my struggles, and He knows what I need right now in this moment. In teaching my children the memories and stories of life, I hope to also point them to the One who never changes and who has an eternal purpose for them.

Finally, to my daughter, Elise Leona Croy:

May you have the humbleness, strength, and lovable character of your "lioness" of a great grandma, Leona. I hope you learn to love gardening and cooking as much as her, too.

May you know that you are a Croy and you are loved so much by your daddy, mommy, and big brother.

Though we didn't really have a specific reason for naming you Elise, your name means "pledged to God." Most of all, may you grow to follow Jesus with your whole heart and give your life to serving Him. He has big plans for you, little girl!

Love,
Mommy

Goodbye 2016....Hello 2017

2016 was really good to us.  We got to experience a year like we had never had before, celebrating milestone after milestone with our little boy.  His first year, though not devoid of difficult moments, was mostly easygoing. I never knew time could seem to slip through my fingers so fast until 2016.

 I'll never forget how strange the end of 2015 seemed.  We brought our baby boy home on Christmas Day, laid him in the crib, and I made Alfredo from a jar and noodles that we picked up at the Walgreens, the only place open where I could get my prescriptions after leaving the hospital. It was just the three of us at home for the first time.  After being in the hospital for Thanksgiving and most of December, everything felt so strange, not to mention having a new little one and losing my uncle.  It was all so surreal.  But, the new year came with new hope and excitement.  It did not disappoint. Now looking back at the end of 2016, we celebrated our baby boy's first birthday on December 23rd just the three of us again at home, and two days later, we had a big Christmas breakfast and dinner (Take that, Walgreens Alfredo!). We sat on the floor opening presents, trying to show our one year old that the toys were what he was opening to play with, not the box and the wrapping paper.  It was a fun time.

Happy 1st Birthday to Atticus!  He wasn't so sure about the cake! Ha!

This boy loved the wrapping paper.

Now as I sit midway through January of 2017, I think about all the promise that this year brings for us as well.  We will become a family of four soon and our time as three will be a little blip in our years, but we will treasure those memories and look forward to new memories when our little girl arrives.

I am 32 weeks pregnant this week and I cannot help but think that at 32 weeks pregnant with Atticus, I went to the hospital with complications.  I know every pregnancy is different and that God is in control, but I still think about it.  A well-known professor at the seminary came into our office last week and began to chat with me about my obvious baby bump.  Before he left, he said he would be praying that all would go well for us. I briefly shared that I appreciated his prayers because of what happened last year, and this is what he left me with...

"There is none like God, O Jeshurun, who rides through the heavens to your help, through the skies in his majesty. The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms." -Deut. 33:26-27

Praying that God will be our help and dwelling place in 2017 as we anticipate new adventures and rest in His everlasting arms.

For more from our 2016, follow travelingcroy on Instagram.