Grandma

As Thanksgiving is this week, I keep thinking about how this is the first year without her.

I have missed Thanksgiving at grandma's only a handful of times in my life, twice when I lived in Peru, once when we spent the holiday with Casey's family, once while living in Northern Ireland,  and finally two years ago when I was in the hospital waiting to have my son. But, all of those times I knew she was at home, with Jerry helping her, making turkey, dressing, and a table full of food for family to enjoy.  I cried the first time I missed being there when I was in Peru. When I was Northern Ireland I called her to tell her I made my own turkey. In fact, I called every time I wasn't there. That's the last time I talked to Jerry.

I remember each time because I wasn't there.  I hope those times I missed have helped in some small way to prepare me for the fact that no one will gather at the little farmhouse in Rocky Mount, NC this year and no one will cram around that table to eat the best dressing on earth--all because she won't be there.

My grandma passed away on Mother's Day, two weeks shy of her 98th birthday. As I wrote back in March, I will always carry treasured memories of her and my times visiting her home while growing up.

I'm not sad about Thanksgiving because she isn't here.  In fact, I'm excited to still spend the day with family and start new traditions.  It will just be different. I'm thankful for the memories.

I will miss her a little more this week though I think.

Another New Season of Life

On February 24, 2017 at 2:38pm, I experienced another of my greatest joys I have ever known with the birth of our daughter, Elise Leona Croy. There was no month in the hospital beforehand, no planned day for her to come, but the anticipation and excitement were the same. 14 months and a day after her brother, she arrived, all 7 lbs 4.6 oz of her, and she was beautiful.

It was so sweet to see how big brother (once he noticed her) clapped his hands every time he saw his little sister.  It was like he knew she was coming and had been waiting for her all along.  We are so thankful that Atticus seems to be adjusting well to his sister and is curious about her and concerned for her when she cries.

Elise will be a month old tomorrow and I have been trying to write this blog post about her since we brought her home. Another unexpected thing happened over the last month that I've been trying to process...

A few weeks before Elise was born, my grandma, for whom my baby girl gets her middle name, got sick and had to be hospitalized.  My spunky, tough, sharp witted, humble grandma. Have I mentioned before that she's my favorite? After what happened with my uncle, I was concerned the same was happening with my grandma. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago, it looked like my grandma wouldn't make it, but she is such a strong lady and defied what the doctors thought for her. While I am overly thankful that she is still with us, a piece of what I've known of her is gone. She has been in the hospital and a rehab center over the last month.  With her not being able to return home, she doesn't get to feed her chickens, cook meals, or see her daffodils bloom, and for that I am sad for her.

This week we decided that I needed to go see my grandma and for her to meet Elise. Though it was a short trip (and challenging with the two littles), I'm so glad we went. Though it was so hard to see her not at her best and in a place other than her home, I had a chance to show her my kids and talk to her.  As I was saying goodbye, she said, "Remember all the good times that we had."

It's been impossible for me to understand (nor should I try) that with the birth of both of my children such hard times have come in other ways.  It seems like while I'm starting new chapters with my new little family, another chapter of why I am who I am has been closing. A lot of what I learned growing up came from time spent at grandma's.  It's been one of my constants and comforts to visit there through the years and know it would always be the way I left it when I came back again even if everything else in life was changing--grandma and Jerry would always be there.  As I stopped by grandma's house this week and walked around the yard, it was sad for me to think that all I once knew there is changed too, but I will still always have the memories and stories to tell my little ones.

I'll remember the good times, grandma.  Always.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

9 

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

    so are my ways higher than your ways

    and my thoughts than your thoughts. 

 ~Isaiah 55:8-9

I am reminded of these verses and through all of this that this world is not my home. While things change here on earth, it was never meant to be my final resting place. I am reminded that the Lord holds all things in His hands, He knows my struggles, and He knows what I need right now in this moment. In teaching my children the memories and stories of life, I hope to also point them to the One who never changes and who has an eternal purpose for them.

Finally, to my daughter, Elise Leona Croy:

May you have the humbleness, strength, and lovable character of your "lioness" of a great grandma, Leona. I hope you learn to love gardening and cooking as much as her, too.

May you know that you are a Croy and you are loved so much by your daddy, mommy, and big brother.

Though we didn't really have a specific reason for naming you Elise, your name means "pledged to God." Most of all, may you grow to follow Jesus with your whole heart and give your life to serving Him. He has big plans for you, little girl!

Love,
Mommy

Goodbye 2016....Hello 2017

2016 was really good to us.  We got to experience a year like we had never had before, celebrating milestone after milestone with our little boy.  His first year, though not devoid of difficult moments, was mostly easygoing. I never knew time could seem to slip through my fingers so fast until 2016.

 I'll never forget how strange the end of 2015 seemed.  We brought our baby boy home on Christmas Day, laid him in the crib, and I made Alfredo from a jar and noodles that we picked up at the Walgreens, the only place open where I could get my prescriptions after leaving the hospital. It was just the three of us at home for the first time.  After being in the hospital for Thanksgiving and most of December, everything felt so strange, not to mention having a new little one and losing my uncle.  It was all so surreal.  But, the new year came with new hope and excitement.  It did not disappoint. Now looking back at the end of 2016, we celebrated our baby boy's first birthday on December 23rd just the three of us again at home, and two days later, we had a big Christmas breakfast and dinner (Take that, Walgreens Alfredo!). We sat on the floor opening presents, trying to show our one year old that the toys were what he was opening to play with, not the box and the wrapping paper.  It was a fun time.

Happy 1st Birthday to Atticus!  He wasn't so sure about the cake! Ha!

This boy loved the wrapping paper.

Now as I sit midway through January of 2017, I think about all the promise that this year brings for us as well.  We will become a family of four soon and our time as three will be a little blip in our years, but we will treasure those memories and look forward to new memories when our little girl arrives.

I am 32 weeks pregnant this week and I cannot help but think that at 32 weeks pregnant with Atticus, I went to the hospital with complications.  I know every pregnancy is different and that God is in control, but I still think about it.  A well-known professor at the seminary came into our office last week and began to chat with me about my obvious baby bump.  Before he left, he said he would be praying that all would go well for us. I briefly shared that I appreciated his prayers because of what happened last year, and this is what he left me with...

"There is none like God, O Jeshurun, who rides through the heavens to your help, through the skies in his majesty. The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms." -Deut. 33:26-27

Praying that God will be our help and dwelling place in 2017 as we anticipate new adventures and rest in His everlasting arms.

For more from our 2016, follow travelingcroy on Instagram.

Things I Meant to Post in October and November....

Here's a photo overload of the last couple of months...

“I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”

-L. M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

October was a busy and fun time for us.  The first weekend we were able to travel up to Cincinnati to visit Casey's aunt and uncle and other family for the day.  The second weekend we finally made it down to South Carolina to see Casey's newest niece who was born at the end of September.  The third weekend we made our annual trip to the North Carolina mountains to visit my family and enjoy the season.  Here are our highlights in pictures:

Sweet new baby niece!

Hi new cousin!

Croy Cousins

Croys!

View from our cabin in Banner Elk, NC

Family at Grandfather Mtn

Elk River Falls, NC

Family at Roan Mtn.

In other adventures, we also found out that Baby Croy #2 is a GIRL!  We will be evenly numbered in our household (at least for a while).  I've been feeling baby girl kick for a while now and we got to see her little face on the ultrasound in October.  We're looking forward to meeting her and hoping all continues to go well with this pregnancy.

Baby girl!

We did our last traveling at Thanksgiving before Baby Croy #2 comes.  We went back to NC where we got to see my grandma again. It was a special time with family. I also got to actually attend our baby shower this year! :)

Me and my sister!  This may be my favorite picture of us

Two girls and their grandma

AJ with great grandma

Pop Pop with his grands after lighting Jerry's tree

Cousins at mom and dad's

My boys

I love this boy!

We are also so thankful that my mom was able to come back to KY with us at the end of November and help us out with Atticus while Casey had a class and I worked.  She's the best, and we hardly ever get pictures with her in them!

Summer of '16

Summer in KY has become somewhat of a slow time for us. However, we were able to bookend our summer with a trip to NC and a day out that offered a little change from our normal day to day.  In the meantime, we have been watching our little boy grow and loving every minute of it. Casey and I both have been thinking a lot during this summer about where God is leading our family and what to do in the waiting.

I often tend to focus on the things I cannot do or have right now in the waiting instead of the abundance of things and opportunities that my good, good Father has given me:

I cannot travel or live overseas right now: I can pray for and encourage my friends currently serving overseas.  I can encourage my husband as he learns and trains for us to hopefully go one day.
I cannot visit my family as often as I would like: I can FaceTime or Skype with them.

I get to love and live life with my sweet husband. I get to be a mom to my little boy.  I have a new life growing inside of me.  And those are just the earthly things I've been given! When I change my perspective and focus on His goodness, that changes everything. Casey and I have both been trying to focus more on reading His Word and trusting His plans for us.

This slow, summer season has mostly been filled with loving and caring for our little boy.  At times I hesitate to blog about him because everything doesn't revolve around him (or us for that matter), but as summer comes to a close, I am thankful for this season of our family of three.  I was so nervous about the two of us becoming three and it has been so wonderful. We both love this boy so much and are amazed that we get to watch him learn and grow.
This summer has also been a time of thinking about transitioning to a family of four. I will admit the idea scared me at first as I looked at my little baby in the crib and realized he wasn't the littlest baby anymore. But, we are thrilled Atticus will have a sibling close to him to grow up with.

Atticus at 8 months announcing he's going to be a big brother!

Me on 9/15/16 at 15 weeks with Baby Croy #2!

In May we were finally able to take Atticus to North Carolina for the first time.  He did so well with the trip and we had a great time seeing family.  My little boy got to meet my grandma for the first time--something I had been waiting for for a long time, even before we knew about him.  I just wish Jerry had been there, too.

Just last week we had our first day off as a family and we went to a place called Bernheim Forest about 30 minutes south of where we live.  We loved hiking the trails and Atticus was a trooper riding on Casey's back!  It was a great day to get out and enjoy nature.

Also, for the first time since we've been in KY, Casey stopped having to work on the weekends recently.  What a blessing for our family!  As we turn the corner to fall, we are looking forward to more family time together and more time enjoying God's creation.

Memories Measured in Time

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven..."  Ecclesiastes 3:1

I've been reflecting a lot this month (and really for a while now) about memories, seasons of life, and how everything seems to be measured in time.  March is always one of my favorite times of the year. It's also one of my favorite times of reflecting back on favorite memories and looking forward in hope to new things.  Seven years ago, Casey and I started dating in March.  I absolutely love thinking back to that spring when everything was new, fun, butterflies in the stomach kind of love. A year later, six years ago, we were married on the first day of spring, such an exciting time of new beginnings.

Our first picture together 3-29-09 (we were watching UNC!)

3-20-2010

One of our special spots in the library at Southeastern

 It is such a joy to me to think back to these times, but then to also know and see that our love has grown deeper, even in the mundane, everyday things now.  For our first three anniversaries, we traveled.  I had initially hoped that would become a tradition for us each year, but when we moved to Louisville, a few things, namely school and work schedules, have kept us from going on anniversary trips.  This year Casey had to work all weekend in the evenings, but he still went out of his way to make me feel special.  I appreciate him so much and I don't deserve how loving and patient he is with me. Now that we have our son, it is even more special to look back and see how far we've come. Our family has grown and we've been entrusted with new life and new beginnings all over again.

3-20-2016 Our first anniversary with Atticus!

3 months old!

Our sweet son was three months old on Wednesday.  I can hardly believe it.  He is growing so fast.  I know I say that with every post, but seriously, he grows overnight.  Part of me likes to say that I wish he would stay little forever while another part of me is excited at the prospect of seeing him grow and change and hopefully become a man that loves Jesus.  The major things we've noticed about him recently are that he loves his changing table. He makes his best faces there--smiling, pouting, wide eyes. This boy has a major pouty lip.  He makes it all.the.time.  It's hilarious. He does it more than smiling right now. He also lays in his crib awake for a long time in the mornings before we get him up--just looking around and sometimes wiggling if he managed to Houdini his way out of his swaddle. He has also discovered his hands and tries to stick his whole hand in his mouth while simultaneously being annoyed that he can't manage to do it.

The pouty lip (My friend took this photo while she babysat)

Atticus also loves to watch March Madness with mommy.  He's going to be a Tarheel fan, I just know it.

Yesterday was Easter Sunday and I have to admit, I struggled all week and weekend with Easter "slipping up on me" this year.  I just didn't feel like I prepared my heart enough and felt guilty every time I forgot that there was reason to celebrate and rejoice.  I know in my head that we celebrate the crucifixion and resurrection every day as we remember the Gospel and apply it to our lives, but to me there is something special about setting aside a day and time where everyone focuses their minds and hearts on celebrating that Jesus is alive and that he saved us from our sins.  I think I also feel like time has just been passing me by, having not celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other important days like I would have wanted to, but I also am reminded once again that this is a new season where things sometimes feel chaotic and like I can't keep up,  and other times I just get to sit and snuggle my son and all is right with the world. I am thankful for a Savior who took all my sinful, selfish ways upon Himself with the shedding of his blood and who gives me the promise of eternal life each new day because of His resurrection.

"Man of Sorrows, what a name 

for the Son of God who came

Ruined sinners to reclaim

Hallelujah! What a Savior!"